Kasabawan... Kaisipan... Kamalayan... KALAYAAN!!! Free-writing mode...
Never believe in love songs. Love songs are literary piece of lyrics, maybe a poem that has an exaggerated message.
Hell, this is my sick habit. I kept on imagining sweet moments while listening to love songs. And the next day, I'll just hurt myself, because I'll realize that it was just a dream, vision, unreal, and this crap happens every time. It seems that I became too imaginative, that my visualizations is becoming my reality, although the next moment, I'll just fall back again to reality.
And hell yeah, to be honest, I'm currently having this bull crap feeling of being a broken hearted man. For me, this is embarrassing, yes it is. And it seems that I can't manage my emotions anymore, that in every silent moment, I kept on thinking and thinking and thinking of this crappy stuff, after the moment she released those words from her mouth that left me hanging in this situation, leaves me with a mind full of questions that cannot be answered even Einstein's wisdom. I cannot look up nor can look down, because all I see is myself falling, falling, and falling, endlessly, I can't see the ground. Fear consumes me, for I don't want to fall endlessly, and I need to touch the ground, and that ground is named "Moved On".
My heart and soul is leading to nowhere, how can I be lost if I got no where to go? Makes me feel homeless. I kept on searching something that I once had in my life. The ghosts around me kept on telling me not to search that something, for it will come to my life someday. I tried to limit myself, putted a chains in my hands, and a big steel ball chained in my feet, so I cannot drag them. But always this beautiful apparition unlocks my chains. I always follow her, but then he leads me in a cliff. I fall down. Consistently, this happens. I don't know if this should be a nightmare or to be considered as a lesson.
Whenever I see the passage to "moving on", there is a force dragging and pulling me back, one step forward, two steps back. I looked at my back, I saw this face, so bright, blinding my eyes, I cannot straightly look at her. I am afraid to lose myself again after losing my name. I don't want to look at her, I fear to fall in love to her all over again, like a devil, keep on twisting my whole body, I cannot do anything.
Then everything turned white, like I'm inside in an empty box. I see nothing. I tried to walk and find something, but it's like I'm not moving. I'm trapped. I thought of a way out, but I realized that the way out is her. She's the key to that invisible door, that will make my way out of there. Bullshit.
No, I won's stop 'till I move on. I disregarded the key, and tried to use my hands to open the door. All the answers to my problem is in my hands, it's in me. I am moving on, I won't stop. And I will destroy anyone who will try to stop me.
2 comments:
Follow the demands of your heart - set yourself free.
If love is the real trap in which you were caught, then it is not easy to find escape. But if you really want to move on, then you will. Your heart only knows how to be free.
But I'd rather follow my mind than my heart. Gusto kong mas gamitin ang utak kaysa puso minsan. May mga bagay na sinasabi ang puso na mali sa utak. Pero may mga bagay din na tama sa puso, ngunit ilohikal sa utak. Pero ganun na ang tao madalas, sa "feelings" nalang ang basehan ng lahat ng rason sa buhay, mga pagdadahilan sa mga bagay-bagay, etc.
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